Subsist

by SUBSIST

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50 tapes released May 2013
50 tapes released February 2014 with slightly modified artwork

"This world is not a place where we can be happy. It wasn't created for man's happiness, though many believe this is the reason of our existence. I think we are here to fight, so that good and evil can clash within us, and good may prevail, thus enriching us spiritually. It's difficult to say whether we are happy or not; it doesn't depend on us... There are times when one regrets being born, but life also gives us surprising things that, alone, are worth living. The issue of happiness doesn't exst for me; happiness as such doesn't exist."
- Andrei Tarkovsky

credits

released April 30, 2013

recorded by Kevin Grindon
mixed by Andrew Nolan

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Absurd Exposition

Mediocrity and genius are equally useless.

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Track Name: Fear
I have a fear of dreaming. All I dream is of nothingness. Dreams of emptiness and solitude. I have a fear of waking. The world means nothing to me and I mean nothing to the world. The world means everything to me and I mean nothing to the world. I don't want to be forgotten.
Track Name: Reflections
Man has been man. Man will always be man. Man needs himself. For what he hopes to find in the recesses of space is himself. And he will rejoice at the discovery of himself without having discovered anything at all.
Track Name: Stars
The stars hold nothing for me save the greatest hope and wonder I have ever known. A place where nothing cares. Where nothing is forgiving yet everything is forgiven.
Track Name: God
I am my own god. Creating my own misery. Destroying myself with these constant thoughts of life and death.
Track Name: Meaning
Do you ever get overwhelmed by the universe? How do you cope knowing you will never truly know anything about it. Most days I don't even know what life is. Most days I don't even care. Or perhaps I do, but I just don't know how to live it. I'm torn between wanting to save the world and trying to destroy it. Canis Majoris! Dwarfing all meaning, all consqeuence; a sun greater than a thousand suns. I'm searching for meaning in an existence that appears forever meaningless.
Track Name: Death Control
Don't let me live. Desensitized. Demoralized. Worthless. Weak. The passing of time slows to a crawl. Futureless. Alone. Mute. Deaf. Blind, but far from dumb. Don't let me live. Please just let me die.
Track Name: History Pt. I
"But if death is the end of human endeavour - and so of humanity - then who will remember history?"
Track Name: History Pt. II / Embrace The Mystery
Why have hope for a future in which we wont be remembered? In a hundred years who is going to know our names or recognize faces from another world? And yet we continue to play out our roles in a life in which nothing matters, as if by some stroke of luck we won't be fogtten unlike every other grain of sand. None of us go down in history unless we go down off a bridge. Time ruins everything and time marches on. History will remember us under its own light if it cares to remember at all. Does it make sense? Can it make sense? Behold within, and not above. Embrace the unknown. Embrace your own ignorance. Embrace mortality. Embrace life. Embrace death.